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I’m a Gay Guy, and I Had Sex With My Straight Roommate

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How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Forward your questions for Stoya and Affluent to howtodoit@slate.com. Don’t worry, we won’t use names.

Dear How to Do It,

I am the guy who did the stupid thing from a hundred overheated online stories: I slept with my straight roommate when we were both drunk. I am the only gay guy (seemingly!) in a distributed house of five guys, and this was very much unplanned. I was totally fine with it, and he acted like he was too, but it’s clear he’s not. A month later, I now hear him having loud sex with women regularly, which I definitely never heard before. H

Since last year’s free of Chemsex, described by the Guardian as a “scary but valuable documentary”, the drug-fuelled sexual practices of some gay men possess increasingly become a matter of heated debate, both within the gay people and in the national press. Most recently, papers own picked up on the story of barrister Henry Hendron, whose partner died last year after overdosing on GHB at the couple’s London flat.

But unfortunately neither last year’s documentary nor most news stories since have managed to suspend moral judgement when addressing the topic. “Chemsex” is not receiving the depth of critical analysis it badly needs. According to most accounts, including the one put forward by the documentary, homosexual men are driven to long sessions of “chemsex” because they are lonely and suffer from internalised homophobia. It is for those reasons, the narrative goes, that some of us complete up pursuing human contact through “inauthentic” and “dangerous” means: “inauthentic” because closeness is catalysed by drugs, and “dangerous” because it often involves unprotected sex.

The Chemsex documentary is a textbook training in how direct culture is still obsessed with homosexual sex. It

There are wounds that never bleed. Just quiet, festering things buried beneath silence.

Some people grow up too fast. Others never really grow up at all. Toya was the first—lean, loud, and reckless, carved by fire. Born to parents who never should’ve had children, and streets that knew no mercy. He learned early that pain was currency. That love was conditional. By the time the earth knew his name, he had already traded in everything soft for something sharp. Drugs dulled the edge, cameras loved the spectacle, and the people only saw the ash—not the boy choking on it.

Blond and bright-eyed, Keigo was full of contradictions the day they first met. Beautiful in the kind of way that made people want to punch him in the mouth, and then lick the blood off his lips.

And yet, nothing sincere ever bloomed from rot.

What they had wasn’t scrub. A language built from bruises, broken promises, drugs and nights they hope they could take support. Keigo was the only person who looked at him like he wasn’t already dead, but not even Toya knew right from wrong. Didn’t realize love when it was standing, right in front of him.

Maybe we're all just torn up by the things we don’t talk about.

Sexual health for gay and bisexual men

Having unprotected penetrative sex is the most likely way to pass on a sexually transmitted infection (STI).

Using a condom helps protect against HIV and lowers the risk of getting many other STIs.

If you’re a man having sex with men (MSM), without condoms and with someone new, you should possess an STI and HIV assess every 3 months, otherwise, it should be at least once a year. This can be done at a sexual health clinic (SHC) or genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic. This is crucial, as some STIs do not cause any symptoms.

Hepatitis A

Hepatitis A is a liver infection that's spread by a virus in poo.

Hepatitis A is uncommon in the UK but you can obtain it through sex, including oral-anal sex ("rimming") and giving oral sex after anal sex. MSM with multiple partners are particularly at risk. You can also get it through contaminated nourishment and drink.

Symptoms of hepatitis A can appear up to 8 weeks after sex and include tiredness and feeling sick (nausea).

Hepatitis A is not usually life-threatening and most people make a packed recovery within a couple of months.

MSM can avoid getting hepatitis A by:

  • washing hands after se