Gay gold star
Gold star lesbian: What's the deal with the term 'gold star lesbian'?
In the season three episode of LGBTQ+ drama The L Pos, “Lone Star”, the women sit around chatting about the term “gold star” and exactly who qualifies. The word, meaning a womxn loving womxn who has only had sex with women, is a status some lesbians take pride in, but it’s one that’s become controversial as our ideas of sexuality and gender have evolved.
What is a gold star lesbian?
Maria Kindstedt, therapist at LGBTQ therapy service Pink Therapy, defines it as “a lesbian who has only had sex with other women,” believing that, while you could frame it as a lesbian who has never had sex with men, “lesbian sexuality can be defined perfectly skillfully without the involvement of men.” It’s understandable that many lesbians, particularly ones who have trauma relating to men, would find comfort in their status as a gold star.
If you search for the term “gold actor lesbian”, the results are overwhelmingly negative. Headlines like, “5 Reasons the Group of words Gold Star Sapphic Needs to Die” and “6 Reasons We Shouldn’t State Gold Star Lesbian” indicate that people have less-than-positive feelings about it. But why is it so
Welcome to The Same-sex attracted B C’s of Sex! Each month I’m defining a different sex-related phrase that’s used within the queer society. I’m crafting these definitions with support from queer archives, pop culture, interviews, and more. Hold in mind that terminology — especially when it comes to sex — varies widely across communities, and no single definition or article can encapsulate every individual’s exposure with these terms. Use this column as a jumping off point for your own reflection and conversation in the comments.
“Gold star lesbian” might sound enjoy a cute expression you’d slap on a T-shirt during pride month, but for many Diverse folks, this designation hurts! Put on your lesbian difficult hats — we’re about to penetrate dangerous territory. First, here’s our definition:
gold star lesbian (n.) — a woman loving woman who has never had sex with a cis man
“And I fucking clueless my lesbian gold star.” — Nessa in Season 8, Episode 8 of Shameless
Gold Star Lesbians: A Brief Media History
According to multiple slang dictionaries, the term “gold celestial body lesbian” originated in the US in the 1990s. The earliest written documentation I could find comes from the 1995 book
Andy Cohen wears his "gold star gay" status with pride. The Watch What Happens Reside with Andy Cohen host often talks about being a GSG, which means he's never slept with a woman.
Lance Bass, on the other hand, is not a GSG, admitting on WWHL that he had been with women before he came out as gay.
"It was well before because I was with a woman. I understand, breaking news!" Bass said.
So, what does that make Lance? Let's do a little refresher.
Relationship maestro April Masini breaks it down for us.
"'Gold-star gay status' is a term that Andy Cohen used to describe his sexuality. He said that he’s gay, and he’s never been with a woman, so he’s not just gay — he’s gold-star gay," Masini told Personal Space. "Someone like Lance Bass, who is also gay, but who has had sex with women, would not be described as gold star gay because he hasn’t been with only men. He’s male lover, but he’s been with women in the past."
She continued, "Just so you know, this isn’t just a term for homosexual men. Gay women can be described as 'gold-star lesbians.' This is a term that some people use to describe lesbians who have never had sex with men."
While
It’s Time to Dump “Gold Star” Labels
For anyone outside of the lesbian collective, you might not be familiar with the terms “gold star” lesbians. A gold star lesbian is a lesbian who has never dated, had sex with a man. This might not seem inherently problematic to anyone who isn’t deeply rooted in gender and sexuality politics and studies, seeing as the base definition of a lesbian is someone who is attracted solely to women. But this is a highly problematic and toxic mindset to embed into the queer woman community.
By stating that a lesbian is “gold star”, it ignores lesbians who may have experimented with their sexuality, are survivors of sexual assault, and is extremely transphobic, biphobic and cissexist.
This grading system is mostly used by trans exclusionary radical feminists (or terfs for short). Although some people who apply the term “gold star” will try to defend it by saying that the term is reserved for lesbians who hold never had sex with a man, it is almost always connotated with “lesbian who has never touched a penis”. This reinforces the idea that gender is completely hereditary and pushes tr